Ned vs World
by Athena Picasso
Summary: What happens when Ned touches Chuck? Then he meets another girl. My first Pushing Daisies fic, so give me some mercy. Humor is optional, depending on your sense of humor.
1. Chapter 1

Danny Frediricks never talked to people.

That is, people she didn't like, which was most people. When Danny Frediricks was exactly 22 years, 4 months, 3 days, five hours and 2 minutes, Ned The Pie Maker touched someone, he was not supposed to touch. And at exactly that same time, Danny Frediricks was talking with her mom's knitting teacher, Emerson Cod at the Pie Hole.

"Look, Emerson, I'm really not interested in learning how to pearl, okay?" She said to the private investigator.

"Shh, keep it down." The only reason Emerson was meeting with this particular girl was because she wanted to be a private investigator as well, and the only reason he was speaking to her about his knitting was because her mother was his 2nd cousin, 3 times removed.

"Dandelion and I want to solve murders, not knit an aphgan," Dandelion was her best friend, and trusty companion. Dandelion was a dog and she only ate tuna.

That was the moment when he touched her. They were making a peach pie for Emerson and his 2nd cousin 3 times removed's daughter. He handed her a peach and their hands brushed against each other and she turned blue, and then fell to the floor.

"Chuck?" he shook her lifeless body. "CHUCK?"


	2. The Pie Maker, Ned

Danny (that would be me in this case scenario).

Restart

Me.

Restart again.

Emerson, Daffodil, and I ran into the Pie Maker's kitchen. There was a dead girl on the floor, the dude had a knife in his hand.

Look, a girl can make assumptions.

The Pie Maker, more commonly known as Ned was the one with the knife. Chuck, his, now dead, girlfriend was the one on the floor.

"She just…I touched her and…" Ned said.

"Yeah, we got it Ned." Emerson said.

"But, I just touched her and, she turned blue, and then…" he said.

"Plop." I animated for Emerson and Ned they looked at me "I minored in Sound effects in theatre school."

"You touched her?" Emerson asked "Personally, I'm glad, now we won't have her hanging around anymore. My minute will not be taken up."

"Okay, Emerson, you have to fill me in on this." I said "He touches her, and then she dies? What's with that?"

"It's a really long story…" Ned said.

"And I'm not expected home until four."

**Sorry so short. So, my dear readers what happens next? All you have to do is encourage me with the little push of a button…**


	3. the Pie Maker's Story

"Okay, this is what happened." we were sitting on a booth in the Pie Hole, Ned's pie place. " I was a kid, and my dog and I were running, on this hill, and then, all of a sudden, she's hit."

"With what? A Big Rig? A car?" I asked.

"A Big Rig."

"Are you sure you want to tell her this?" Emerson asked him.

"Well, she's going to be on the team, right?" He asked him.

"Hello?" Right here!" I said, waving my hands in between their faces.

"Well, she's good." Emerson said "And good means more money, so…yeah, she can be on the team."

"What team?" I asked "What team am I going to be on?"

"We solve murder mysteries." Emerson said.

"Okay, back to the story." I said, looking at Ned.

"He got hit." Digby whined. Digby was Ned's dog. "And then, I thought she was dead, but then, I touched her and she came back to life. Then, my mother, a brain vessel popped and I touched her too, but then, a minute later, Chuck's dad died. He died because my mother, who was supposed to be dead, was actually not. So then, when she came to kiss me goodnight later that evening, she fell on the floor, dead again."

"So, you can bring dead people back to life, but then after a minute, someone else dies, and then, if you touch them again, they go back to being dead." I said.

"In a nutshell, yes." he said. I was across the table rom him, but after a while, I was a foot from his face.

"Can I have some pie?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure." Ned said.

A minute passed, and Ned stayed in the same place.

"Like, now?"

"Oh, yeah, right." Ned got out of his seat and then sat back down. "Olive, can we get some pie?"

"Yeah, sure." A blonde, in a… very showy dress said.

She came back out with a slice of peach, a slice of apple and a slice of four berry. You may want to know how I could tell this? Well, my mother used to be a pie baker, before we got sheep and she started to sell yarn. My nose had grown accustomed to the sweet smell of pie.

"Oh, man, I love pie." I said, putting my fork into an apple.

"Really?" Ned asked.

"Yeah, my mom used to be a pie maker. But then she went into the yarn business, and now she knits." I look at Emerson.

"Your mom used to be, a pie maker?" Ned asked, almost frozen.

"Yeah, and now, I love pie. Well, I've loved pie a very long time, but I loved pie even more after she made me my first slice of apple to go with my homework." I said.

"Really?" Ned asked again.

"Ned, you've asked that already." I said.

"I know, but I was asking it about something different, which, technically, makes it a new question."

I turn to Emerson.

"I like the way he thinks." I tell him.

"Good, because you will be with him and his thoughts for quite a while, if that is, you want to get in the business." he said, then he turned to Ned. "I like her better than the other girl. She asks less questions." Ned simply nodded.

"More pie, please." I say "I haven't had pie in so long, well, good pie that is, because my boyfriend, he used to make me pies, but his pies were awful, TERRIBLE! But this pie is good, so very good."

"You have a boyfriend?" Ned asked me.

"No." I say "We broke up."


	4. Chapter 4

I was sitting in my apartment, pondering the day.

First, I was in the Pie Hole, trying to get away from the subject of knitting.

Then, there was Ned.

Who's girlfriend was dead.

So then Ned told me the story.

About how Ned's girlfriend came to be dead, and then alive, and then dead again.

And then I had some pie.

And, then I found my face very close to Ned the Pie Maker's face.

And I was in love at that point.

But unfortunately, as with my luck, this word comes often, Ned the Pie Maker's girlfriend just died. And if it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't have met Ned.

Ned the Pie Make thought he was in love.

Unlike Danny, he had been in love before, and he knew what it felt like. Chuck. He had been in love with Chuck, the girl he could never touch. But now he was ion love with someone new, Danny, Emerson's 2nd cousin, four times removed.

Ned was in love with someone new, but she just broke up with her boyfriend and no one has a relationship with someone who just broke up with their boyfriend.

He turned to the other bed in the room, and sighed. If Chuck never had died, confusion wouldn't be happening.

As long as we're on the subject of love, we might as well go next door to Olive's place, where she was pondering how to get Ned to love her, now that Chuck was dead.

She knew she had to discourage the girl.

She knew she had to make sure that he didn't love the girl and that the girl didn't love him. She needed to make sure that Ned was going to fall in love with her, not the girl. And as Olive Snook plotted, Emerson Cod knitted.

Emerson was not the touchy feely kind of person.

He was more into cold things, like money, or…

There were other things Emerson liked, like pie, but his favorite thing was money, and for him, money meant dead bodies. So he liked dead bodies. And money.

And then there was Chuck's body. Chuck's body was in the refrigerator for pies, and Ned and Emerson were planning on having a private burial. Because, the rest of the world thought she was dead already. That would bring up confusion, which would lead to all sorts of things.

**That was a very very bad chapter. Please review though. AND I KNOW YOU PEOPLE ARE READING THIS!**


End file.
